her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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