you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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