I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
