Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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