So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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