it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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