He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
