If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
