You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
