I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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