well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
