you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
