someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
