you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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