Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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