i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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