i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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