Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
