Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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