In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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