I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
