It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I sprained my soul last night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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