worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
