I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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