Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
