he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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