You made me cry and you don't even care
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
