So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
