So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
