Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
