Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
