I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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