I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
