You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
