Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
