you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
