5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
