New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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