u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
