Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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