So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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