Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
