and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
