I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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