last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
