they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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