wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
