Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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