what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
