Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
