I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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