like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
