your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Found the puke drawer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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