His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
