i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
