Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
