Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
