I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
