I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
