New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
