My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
